Eli had a very mild bout of colic a few months ago, right at the afternoon feeding time, which resolved with Banamine and a little hand-walking. Of course with any colic, things can go south fast so I was relieved that it was alleviated quickly. But then it happened AGAIN this past Sunday, same exact situation. I called the on-call vet and after talking over the situation, getting Eli scoped was the best next step. So Eli went up to stay at the clinic Monday night and got scoped Tuesday morning. He has ulcers. I feel like a bad horse mom. The ulcers may or may not be the cause of the feeding time colics, but I am hoping that’s it, because ulcers are treatable and manageable. Not that I want my horse to have ulcers at all, but if that is the cause then we are addressing it.

Eli got sent home with Gastrogard, misoprostol, and Eli’s vet also suggested Purina Outlast and his regular turnout and exercise routine. Luckily, Eli hoovered the Outlast, so he will get that on top of every meal and he’ll also get some as a snack before exercise.

But then, Eli being Eli, he had other plans about that exercise. I pulled him out of his stall Wednesday evening and noticed nothing amiss. I offered him the Outlast, which he ate happily. I tacked him up and walked him around for quite a while, not feeling anything weird in his walk. And then I asked for a trot, which he picked up with no protest or difficulty BUT he was super lame on the right front. I got off to see if it was a rock or something like that and it wasn’t. I got back on and kept walking because the vet indicated moving around is a good thing while Eli is being treated for ulcers, and his walk still felt fine in the arena footing.

But after I got him untacked and rinsed off, he was clearly lame on the RF at the walk after stepping out of the wash rack. His farrier happened to be at the barn, so I asked him to look at it. Based on the sudden presentation of the lameness and a few other things, the farrier thinks it may be an abscess, and that seemed about right to me. Honestly Eli had been more lame with a heel bruise, so maybe it’s just a bruise — we know he likes to get those. I wrapped his hoof in Epsom salt paste and he will still be turned out, because again, moving around is better than not moving around.

If the lameness gets worse, the farrier will pull the shoe today. I am going to soak Eli’s hoof in Epsom salt and rewrap. If the situation doesn’t improve in a few days, I guess Eli will get to see his vet again? Ugh. I hope it is just bruising or an abscess that blows soon.

Anyways … I am keeping the bag of Outlast at my house and got some reusable deli containers and plan to pack up a week’s worth at a time for the barn staff for easy administration. Hopefully the deli containers don’t get tossed but if they do I’ll just switch over to plastic baggies. I’d rather go the reusable route, if it’s feasible, though.

The lack of horse showing has been upsetting for some people, and shows starting back up seem to be very popular — a few A shows in this area have “sold out,” meaning they are limiting entries and have already hit those limits for a few shows in mid-June. I completely understand that horse showing was and is a primary motivating force for riders, so it doesn’t surprise me that people are excited for showing to start back up. Even with major international tours canceling the rest of their dates, horse shows in the U.S. are pressing forward. Horse show ecosystems employ a lot of people and provide a fun social outlet for many, many riders. I am happy for all of those people whose lives will hopefully get back to “normal” or at least some kind of “new normal” very soon.

But horse shows don’t motivate me. Not at all. They may have at one time, but they don’t now and never really have in my adult life. So I’ve been thinking about what does motivate me, and whether I can even articulate this, or put some kind of label or name on the driving forces that get me to the barn almost every day. Strong emotional connections with animals calm me down on most days. Riding is good exercise. Being outdoors is a relief after a 9-hour slog at a desk. I am pretty sure even just looking at Eli lowers my blood pressure. (Unless he is sick or injured.) Cantering around over sticks is a fun thing. It looks like I have this laundry list of superficial motivations, but is that … it?

I am thinking the strong emotional connection to animals is the primary motivating force for me. I would much rather talk to my dog or my horse than a person. My big and small mammalian companions seem to get me, to accept me. Not that they really have a choice, of course. But early on with Eli especially I am fairly certain he wanted me to be his person. And the humans around us that saw us working together said all kinds of encouraging things a long these lines well before I owned him. I started worrying about his future if he didn’t have me in it. How can a horse make a person feel this way? Is it not odd? But what would a life without such empathetic creatures be?

I cannot remember a time when I did not feel an innate connection to animals. That I have had so many meaningful partnerships with horses continues to amaze me. Eli’s ability to communicate with me so clearly about all kinds of things amazes me, too. Secondary to the emotional connection I feel to this horse is perhaps the other motivating factor: what will Eli teach me next?

I ran across an interesting phrase just this morning: “last days of the old ways,” from a GQ list of the best restaurants of 2020. Talk about a time capsule (so worth reading for perspective if nothing else — like, remember how affected dining out had become?). But it struck me because we are never going back to the world as it was before COVID-19. “The old ways” will be tinged with new adaptations of existing in public spaces, hopefully with a good dose of charity and kindness. Adaptation that I personally have no problem with, honestly, mysophobe and agoraphobe that I am. Eating out is fun and everything, but I am just as happy staying in.

As horse people, while many of us have had to change routines, or suspend them entirely, we -most of us- will get to come back to horses. Barns in my area have had varying degrees of openness or closedness, and I have been lucky enough to continue my daily treks to where I board Eli to ride, or just let him graze, or groom him until he rolls his eyes at me. We passed the ownership milestone of May 1, the day I bought him in 2014, with little notice from him, as Eli is most definitely the one who owns me, and that started before May 1, 2014 for sure.

The horse world at large is looking at attempting to get back to showing. What changes will we see? Hand sanitizer at all the in-gates? Limited or no concessions? Ticketed schooling at EVERY show, not just the big A shows? Will we even have to answer these questions? The idea of certainty is a tenuous one in this post-old ways-existence. I am not about to craft an editorial on how or why we can live alongside a newfound pathogen and still keep capitalism, leisure time, and the service industries alive.

Rather I’ll just give y’all an Eli update: he is out of pads in front, he got his bone juice, and he has energy to burn. He feels pretty good under saddle, but he is out of shape. As am I. So we are not doing a whole lot yet, just building on the ride before and looking forward to doing a little more the next ride. I trotted him over a crossrail a few times the other day and there was much excitement in the first few steps after the fence in the form of tiny little dolphin leaps and head tossing. Seems like classic Eli to me!

Getting the trot squared away is relatively easy for me. I am a less coordinated rider at the canter, and that’s the gait of Eli’s that needs the most work. Due to his veterinary history, I am not going to attempt to accomplish this on a longe line, so getting it done under saddle will be a slooooooowwww process. The formula: A few decent steps? Reward with a walk. Add more decent steps next time. Next time could be 2 minutes later or the next day, it doesn’t really matter. The rewarding is the important part, as Eli is very sensitive and responsive to that kind of thing.

So that’s where we are, “we” being me and Eli. It has been such a protracted process, bring him back into work after his suspensory injury. It’s been about a year since he did that, and I think we are now on the right path with that and his front feet, too. For the time being, the main goal is to get Eli back into shape, to a reasonable level of fitness for a low-level, local show horse. If we can get there, then I’ll consider doing more, but it’s also okay with me if we never get there. Horses are perhaps the best teachers of adaptation, moreso than even a viral pandemic. At least, for some things. Horses teach you what you can control, and what you can’t, and what you have to let go. (Pride … the inside rein …)

In a completely unrelated, frivolous aside, this Chardonnay is really good:

Oh, lors, speaking of the old ways. I had gone to the grocery store to pick up a few things, including some beer. There are always very helpful, dutifully face-masked employees in the wine and beer section at HEB, and as I trundled down the refrigerated aisle of beer, an employee asked me if I needed any help finding something. I said, yes, I am looking for the Guinness four pack of cans with the nitro ball … ? The guy said, yes, right down here, in the import section which is sadly smaller than it used to be … and he handed me the four pack and left me wondering if there were any good domestic nitro ball options. Nothing like a slow burn apocalypse to make me question my casual consumerism. Vive la nouvelle façon, I guess?

I have no real excuse for completely missing out on posting anything last week. But don’t fret, Eli and Conrad are doing fine! Last week was just weird all around with unseasonably cold and wet weather and oh yeah, the whole pandemic thing is really altering our collective reality, huh? I never thought I would be so invested in making fashionable face-coverings decisions. Anyway. Eli got his vaccinations and some bone juice, and it is FINALLY warm enough to satisfy his delicate constitution.

I had a very enjoyable ride on him on Sunday. I don’t usually ride on Mondays, but I think I will today because it’s warm and rain is in the forecast again starting on Wednesday.

State and local governments here are considering a gradual return to business as usual. I am not sure how I feel about that. Although my own lifestyle has not changed much, I do recognize there are people out there who really would like to get back to work and I can’t blame them. I have been so very lucky to have access to my horse. I know not everyone has that luxury right now (on top of the luxury of paying for a horse) and I am not sure how well I would be doing mentally if I couldn’t get in some daily pony time.

I wouldn’t necessarily need the saddle time, just interaction with Eli usually brightens my mood. Even if he is being a grump. That’s like half his charm! Riding is my only exercise, though, so getting in the saddle is a benefit. And even if all we are doing is walking and trotting and strolling around in the wildflowers, I still like to wear bright colors to improve my mood. I do miss having my black DeNiros in the rotation because a snap need replacing. As far as I know, the shoe repair shops around here are still open, but I have been hesitant to go to even the essential businesses. Again, I am lucky to have such a choice.

I did something over the weekend that had more of a benefit that I thought it would — I avoided national news. That significantly improved my outlook, even if only temporarily! I suggest everyone try it, if possible, even if only for a day or two.